Category Archives: Health

Loving God

I used to write regularly about my health journey. Recovering eating disorder, yo yo dieter, and exercise addict that I was. I have learned so much in the past years since I really began to change my life in healthy ways. It has been a slow and terribly painful process. I am not very nice to myself. I do NOT have any concept of how to live “in the middle”. Balance is a bad word in some areas of my life. These are areas the Lord has been working in my heart tremendously.

I have never written about anything else that has had the same response as when I write these posts. I have connected with people and have pen pals and prayer partners and it has all been pretty encouraging. Until one day, I was the brunt of someone’s cruel words. My worst fears being talked about behind my back. You see, I like control and I like victory. I like it a lot. I expected that when I decided to get healthy from the inside out that it would happen quickly. However, the war that was taking place in my soul was this: I know how to manage my weight, but not one tool I use is healthy. After I read Made to Crave, I had such a deep desire to give God this area of my life, but I created chaos in the process. I didn’t know what to do. I planned to read the book, do the questions, get permanently fit, and be able to cross this problem area off my to do list. Heck, I even went on to teach the class twice. Here I was two years later, still blindly stumbling around and still trying to learn how to exercise moderately, eat healthy, and do so in a way that had me at a healthy weight. BUT as I learned I had layer, after layer, after layer of issues I needed to deal with. I had been so open and transparent with my journey that I began to fear what people might be saying about me. That I wasn’t making progress, that I still needed to lose weight, that all of these efforts were doing nothing. Then it happened. Those words were said in the cruelest of ways and that fact killed me. I don’t know how people can possibly be so downright vicious. It’s never fun when your worst feelings of failure are brought out into open and used so carelessly for other’s entertainment.

It honestly sent me spiraling and I shut my mouth, tight. I chose to go down another path of another program that I thought would work great, and faster, and then it didn’t “fix” me. Because the reality is I am not after solely a healthy physical body, I want even more than that to learn what I am supposed to, give God ALL areas of my life, and live with absolute peace in my heart. I am not trying to be a super model, but I will not settle for mediocrity. I firmly believe that God calls us to take care of our bodies the BEST that we can. Whatever we “look” like is not really up to us, but the choices made on a daily basis in these areas are. I know how to over exercise and under eat with the best of them and honestly what fueled that discipline was control and anger and as I lay my control at the foot of the cross the results were no longer something I seemed to be able to attain. Praise God. I am having to learn how to do this like a stinkin’ little baby. From scratch. From the very beginning and it is messy. Super messy. Give me a capitol S and a capitol M. I have never felt so human. Giving up your all to Jesus sounds pretty when you sing it in church. When you are down in the trenches dealing with deep past issues and pain it can be a lot more difficult.

I don’t remember a day not struggling in this area in my entire life and much like teenagers today cut themselves, girls back in my day punished their bodies mercilessly with all kinds of horrible things and I quickly and without much thought joined right in and developed a big issue. A big internal issue that I chose to begin talking about recently. I recently read something online where a gal had gained a big chunk of weight in a short time and was embarrassed to go to her dr. She finally did and as the dr. entered the room, she quickly began explaining her weight gain when he stopped her and said, “we all have scars, some are just more visible than others.” Amen. and Amen.

So true. My flesh desperately wants to bury mine. However, doing so leaves me trapped. It’s not an option.

So, this is the road I am on. I still am on it. God is here. I am learning. I am mad, frustrated, happy, and hopeful in the best way.

I have quoted Lysa’s book many times on this blog, particularly the line where she says, “This is a spiritual journey with great physical benefits.” I wholeheartedly agree. This journey is far more about my walk with Christ than my waistline.

You see, I don’t need one more program, one more eating plan with colorful containers to tell me what to eat, or one more app on my phone. Although all fabulous tools and ones I will continue to use…what I need is more of Jesus.

I surrender all.

A song easy to sing and hard to do.

I have started and stopped programs more times than I have put my socks on in this lifetime and yet every single time I get knocked down or fall and get back up there are lessons learned. Lessons riddled with humility and filled with His grace. I have learned so much about nutrition and fitness and tried so many different methods that it makes my head hurt. BUT, ya know what? None of them are my answer. Not one. I firmly believe Satan wants to keep our heads spinning. Try this, try that. This one will work. That one will for sure. The truth is they all work. Every single one of them works, if you do them. The truth is they all end. Jesus doesn’t.

It’s not about the program I choose, it’s about me. It’s about fear of trusting God in this area. It’s about fear to jump. It’s about the fact that it’s scary and living with my arms wrapped around myself is far safer than spreading my wings to fly.

Bottom line it is about learning that I can’t do this my way, on my own, and on my time table.

I learned at church recently about living in a state of constant desperation for God. While things that pull us away from God can take many many forms, this is mine. It will likely be a struggle for a long time and something I have to chose to constantly surrender to Him. Not doing it my way, but His. He made me in the first place. He knows what He is doing.

He is worthy of my praise.

He is worthy of my life.

I want to learn to obey Him in this area for the sole reason because I love Him. Not for better clothes,  kudos on FB, or even feeling better physically. Although none of those are bad things, my motivating factor must be obedience, to the one who laid down His life for me, and knit me together.

It’s become a very personal issue between me and Him. A struggle that has taken me years to realize to the depth that I do that I am absolutely incapable of doing this without Him.

Moving 1800 miles across the country and leaving behind everything and everyone I know and love has unraveled me in the best way.

May we all learn to live in a state of constant desperation. Dreaming God size dreams.

and loving Him…

above all else.







Pin It

My Truth.

I am deeply excited about my health journey. Not because after 2.5 years I still have not reached my goal weight and stayed there. Rather, because I have been running to Jesus to ask Him for help, to learn to know Him better, to live with Him in the number one spot in my life. I have talked many times about Made to Crave. One sentence that stuck out to me in early 2011 when I started this path of being healthy is that ,”It is a spiritual journey, with great physical benefits”. Lysa TerKeurest is, in fact, quite right.

I have been super transparent with this journey and held nothing back. This has brought me support, connection with others, and criticism and while the criticism can be hard, that is o.k. The main thing that God has been reminding me lately, very loud and clear, is that He loves me. He has also been teaching me to keep my eyes upward and not on other people. What may be right for one, may not be right for another. Our struggles are all different.

I have prayed for God’s help for a long time in regards to my health. Then one article I read talked about processed food being created to actually cause us to crave it. Light bulb and a serious oh my gosh moment ensued. So, I am eating food that makes me crave more, overeating it, and then I pray to God for help to not eat it and be healthy. Anyone wanna stand in the freeway and ask God to save us with me? Seriously, it’s pretty much the same thing.

So, FOR ME, I feel like this journey has led me to a permanent change in my food. I was searching for a way to follow a nutrition plan to guide me into that change. I am a straight carb girl and I mean almost 100%. My foods have become more unprocessed and clean over the last year, but still remain a lot of carbs.

After I finished Insanity last year, I panicked. I was tripping out on how to have a plan and not make it my idol or my saving grace. This may sound like a hot mess of crazy, but this is honestly where I have been. I was in search of the thing that would click and make it all work. You know what I have realized in the last month? I have had it all along. It’s Jesus and utter dependence on Him. Whatever tool or plan or program He leads me to to follow, I still need Him to make it work long term. The plans are o.k. How I used them were not.

So, for some sheer honesty…I was getting kind of anxious because I had a fear that somewhere, sometime, someone would point out the amount of effort I have put forth and the lack of outward results that have come from it. The scale is not reflective of the work I have done, but my heart is and no one may be able to see that…yet. I am not going to be quiet about my health because too much good comes from bringing darkness to the light and there has been so much darkness in this area of my life.

I know my truth. I know my Jesus. I know my path.

I recently began a program of 121 days of crazy strict rules. A program designed at its core to teach healthy eating, reset your metabolism, and lose unhealthy weight. There is nothing like removing something from your life to realize its hold on you both emotionally and physically. This program is a perfect fit for me because it is addressing all of my personal vices. This program is a perfect fit because for the remainder of the 121 days I have given up control. That, my friends, is the core of my struggle. This program arrived in my life days after the morning conversation I had with God where I said, “You get it all. I’m all in. Whatever the cost.” It’s almost like He planned it.

Today, I have given my health completely to the Lord and what I now know beyond a shadow of a doubt is that He made our earthly bodies for His purposes and we are to maintain them for His glory. I have had too many problems over the years with eating disorders, control, yo yo dieting and the like, to think that I can remain divided. These dietary changes I am currently learning through this plan are permanent for me. That is the first time I can say that. They must be. For me.

The change is to eat a diet primarily of things God straight up created all on His own without our help.

He’s a pretty fantastic creator. He did it right. He thought of everything.

He knows what He is doing a million times over.

I. will. trust. Him.

Happy Monday, my lovelies! Have an awesome day!


P.S. the book that my family and I were in a small part of about our food changes has been released! It’s super good 🙂 You can get your copy here.







Pin It

Insanity. A Real And A Little Bit Harsh Of A Post.

There is something to be said about diary style blogging. It may be “nicer” to have gone through something and then write about it when it’s done. You can be careful to insert the necessary and leave out the messy. That’s not really what is going on here. I am on this journey. This is my tale as it happens. I’ve had some huge discoveries in the last couple of months and they are messy and convicting for me.

Insanity. Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. ~Albert E.

I read that the night before I began Insanity, the actual program. I thought it curious because here I was “geared up” for another intensive program. Part of it just didn’t feel right. I have done many programs, without the results I want. What was going to be different this time? I’m still missing something. I shrugged a shoulder and progressed anyway.

I recently finished Insanity. I did the first eight weeks, every work out and then on week 9, I stopped. I did it knowingly and I am o.k. with that right now. With my husband off work that week and it being the week after Christmas I decided to take a break. I am happy with the dedication I had and changes in my body that Insanity gave me. The results were indeed not completely what I wanted, but I did not complete the nutrition side up to where it should have been. The results not coming the way I wanted should be expected. The program itself is awesome and I have no doubt will achieve results if you do ALL OF IT.

It’s a funny named program. Appeals to the all or nothing types and probably seems ridiculous to the others? I am not sure. BUT one thing is I don’t really find it all that “insane”. Insane would be working out for like 8 hours a day. Then lets talk crazy. I’ll even buy you the cup of coffee for our chat. Insanity workouts in month 2 average 60 minutes, even less in month one. I don’t find that excessive really. It’s intense, yes, crazy hard. Insane, I don’t think so. Hard work outs for sure. Results are measured by the effort you put in. Great results requires hard effort. I loved it and am repeating it. Don’t let the name of it scare you away. Bottom line is I think most tools on the market are effective to some degree. You gotta find the ones you like. Like Beachbody says…Decide, Commit, Succeed.

Every step in this life long journey to better health is important. Every lesson learned {and there have been a ton for me} is part of the big picture. Once I dedicated myself to doing this the “right” way and seeking after God’s direction rather than the best quick fix that I could get my hands on, I began seeing results that had me on the road to lasting changes. The last couple of weeks have been incredibly intense in my own heart and head.

The thing I have realized most importantly is this:

*insert harshness*

We don’t get to decide what we are willing to do, do that, and then complain that the results are not what we want or are unfair. God set this gig up. He’s got it covered. In fact, the more I learn about real food (the food God made) the more in awe I am about God. The foods He made are truly incredible. The ones man has made, not so much.

We can not decide we don’t want to feel deprived, not eat the right portions, and then get upset and pray for His help. He must be sitting on the throne going, are you kidding me? It’s kinda like standing in the freeway in the fast lane and praying for His protection.

We can not eat a diet filled with processed food, sugar, caffeine and then complain about being tired.

We don’t get to run ourselves ragged and fill our lives so full of activity that we say “I just don’t have time to work out today” and then get upset because our pants stop fitting.

We also don’t get to decide that we are going to beat our bodies in submission to look perfect in our eyes and today’s standards and neglect every other responsibility in order to achieve that.

Our health must certainly take its rightful place. God gave us these bodies and we are to take care of them. He designed them so we need to take care of them HIS way not the way that we decide that we are willing to do it. The answer on how to take care of that requires the obvious information that we all know. Eat the right things. Eat less. Move more. Etc. Etc.

A lack of knowledge is certainly not the reason that way over half of Americans are obese.

*harshness over*

In total annoyance the other night about something totally unrelated to my health, I seriously kinda threw that “GOD, WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO HELP ME? You are supposed to be helping me” thing out there. Loud and clear the response….Are you doing your part? My humble answer to that was no, actually I am not. That’s kinda important.

Then I quickly connected it to this health journey. It has been a long time. A life time of eating disorders now in my past, the time spent on recovery has been valuable, not wasted. I have learned so much and am so grateful with all the work that God has done in my heart. It’s all been necessary. However, the last piece has been that I don’t want to give up the ability to eat what I want when I want. That’s just the bottom line and it isn’t comfortable to say that out loud, in case you are wondering. I hate feeling controlled. I hate being accountable. It isn’t so much about the food. It’s internal.

Up until recently, I was not aware of this in my own life. It’s taken quite some time to see it.

I need to come on my knees before the throne of the one who made me. Give Him my all, daily. Recognize that this is a huge tool that Satan uses to knock people down and keep them in bondage, quite literally. Give God my heart, soul, calories, and confess my resistance to His control in my life.

You see the thing I figured out LOUD AND CLEAR is that I don’t get to define the rules and then decided if I am going to live by them. He defines them and I obey. It’s really fairly simple.

This is all a process that God will remain faithful in guiding us to the foot of the cross. Whatever your path looks like or wherever it takes you is unique to you. There is no one fix cure all to anything in life. If there is one outstanding lesson in all of this is Run to Jesus. 

To me, taking care of this body in modern day America, is super challenging. Laura Ingalls didn’t have Krispy Kremes and Mercedes to distract her. {If they did, I am certain that Almanzo and her woulda been joy ridin’ down the main street of Walnut Grove.}

A healthy lifestyle takes a lot of discipline. It many times isn’t fun. It many times hits very deep issues and baggage I have and makes me want to go fetal. It many times is just plain hard.

It has to be done.

Yep. It. Does.

Let’s encourage each other in truth and not excuses. Love each other enough to say it like it is. That’s why I love Jillian. She yells it out. I love her passion. Let’s be that for each other (perhaps minus the yelling and swearing). Remind each other of our goals and the expectations that God has for us to take care of our bodies, in love, and maybe more importantly in honesty.

I had a total stranger tell me last Saturday {while in the midst of a conversation about working out}~ You look fine. Thirty pounds to lose these days is really not all that bad. You should be happy with where you are, you are doing great. It would be quite easy for me to adapt to that standard. However, in my heart I know that isn’t right because I don’t want to give up control of this area of health. It’s an internal issue and a spiritual one. I have been resisting it for a long time, cloaked in so many excuses and circular reasoning. I’m done.

Besides I don’t wanna live a not all that bad life. I wanna life a freakin’ fantastic knock it out of the park one and my health is directly related to my ability to do that.

I feel like an onion.

God’s been peeling the layers away one by one by one for a long time. I keep thinking, “oh crap, there is more to deal with? For the love…”. I kinda feel like I’m at the center now. He’s shown me the truth just like I asked Him to.

This is it.

What are you gonna do with it?







Pin It

Be Happy

This post is untimely for bringing holiday cheer. Now that we have that out of the way….

You know what is a miserable way to live? When nothing is ever good enough. I am recovering from that syndrome myself. I have spent most of my life never being satisfied with the outcome of something that I do. Always looking for how I can improve it the next time. It robs great joy. My heart just screams for the love of all that is good and holy in this world, BE HAPPY WITH SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!

o.k.? alrighty then.

Now, I fight it again because in a matter a few days now I will have completed Insanity. Fifty four workouts in sixty three days. I will have pressed play 54 times. Workouts ranging from 40-85 minutes. I have spent hours invested in making myself healthier. I have done fabulous, right? Well depends on who you ask :). I fell short of my goal. Again.

Really? um yeah, I did.

My nutrition choices did not match the success of my exercises. About week 3, I aborted the tracking process in regards to my weight and measurements. I am just not there yet. I can’t handle the numbers. They derail me and really I am doing the best I can and need to continue. It’s not like if the numbers are good I am going to stop working on my physical health. SO? for now they take a back burner. God is working so much on my insides, just like I asked Him too. It’s not as easy to measure that up in a nice little box.

I am going to focus on the positive. Just know that while I am writing this I am reliving the scene from Liar Liar where Jim Carrey is having a massive all out war in his office with his ballpoint pen. You know the one? The pen is b l u e. My fingers want to type out all of the things I need to improve on and where I fell short. While I think it is imperative to look at those things so that you can continue to move forward, the successes must be celebrated.  Celebrated without the buts…. (That was kind of a fun sentence to write). You know? That was good but….. I am happy about it but……

Sometimes you gotta STOP THE BUTS…

This morning I had a mind numbing revelation. I woke up and as I often do I thought about my day yesterday in regards to fitness. I stayed up late and busted out my workout. It was a good one too. Yay! I was happy, but then I remembered that I did not count my calories or track my food all day and my countenance fell and failure feelings came flooding in. I hopped out of bed and thought I am going to stick with my first thought…happy about my work out. Wouldn’t it just be nice to live with that all day? I think I shall. Then I kinda stopped and realized how twisted that conversation was. What if I started my day every day feeling like a success? What would life be like if I truly viewed myself the way the God of the universe views me?

Wow. I think JUST MAYBE I should. We all should.

So, on a less deep note. Insanity rocks. My plan is to finish next week, take a recovery week and do some light running and swimming, and then repeat month 2. I also have started wearing my armband again. I was having major issues with getting it to work, so I switched over to Jillian Michaels to track my information. I heart her and her site is awesome.

I actually love the place I am in right now because I have found tools that I love. I really don’t think the secret is finding which fitness tool works because I think most of them do on some level. I think the trick is finding which one works for you. I think Shaun T and Jillian is a pretty good combo. The basics. No frills. No gimmicks. Hard work , heart, and head knowledge should be a winning combo.

The biggest thing I have learned during Insanity is how to work hard. I think so many times in life we feel pain, get uncomfortable and instinctively stop and run away. All of these drills in Insanity teach you how to stay in it. There is breaks but you push yourself beyond what you are capable of on a regular basis and it’s life changing. I promise.

I previewed the DVD months ago, laughed, and said I would never do Insanity. Now it’s my favorite. Go figure.

In spite of all the areas that I need to improve on, I love how I feel every single day. Every movement is easier, I feel my muscles, I have way more energy and I look forward to my nightly husband approved work out date with Shaun T and me.

I’m a fan.

I am 2 seconds away from buying a Shaun T hoodie.

and my favorite news? I now can do push ups like the big boys do…on your toes. Three in a row. I have never been able to do them like that, not in my whole life. So 3 is pretty spectacular, right?





Pin It

The Greek God And The Beached Whale

I have a story.

I had turned 40. It had happened and I survived, barely. I had given birth to four children and I was ready to take back possession of my body and so the crazy took over to make it happen. After years of not being nice to myself physically, I wondered if it was possible to whack out my metabolism to the point of rebellion and it’s refusal to comply with my efforts. Was this even possible and how could I test that?

After some research, I discovered hydrostatic body fat testing.

You are submerged underwater for the most accurate testing there is. Almost fool proof, I read. Sounded good to me. This would tell me how many calories that I burned in a day, not what some chart would guess I would burn. If I knew that, then I could set how many calories to eat accordingly and loose some weight. Seemed easy enough. I needed this information.

I set out to find where I could have this testing done in my city and lo and behold I discovered that it was going to be on a truck. Oh yeah, high class. This truck traveled around the state and visited various fitness centers for the testing. It seemed legit and I signed up, using $50 of my birthday money. Welcome to the forties.

I called up one of my besties because obviously a girl just doesn’t do this kind of thing alone. I was so excited to find out what my metabolism was like, I really didn’t stop and think through what the test would entail. Turns out that was probably best.

We arrived in the parking lot of Gold’s Gym and pulled up to the truck that reminded me of one of those crazy food trucks. We started to walk over when I first started to think through the awkwardness of what was about to take place. Just then, the door swung open, the setting sun cast a halo effect around this man, the heavenly choir was singing, and it was clear that God had spent extra time on him. He was very nice looking, which is obviously, exactly what one would hope for in this awkward situation. I tried to find some sort of dignity to walk up the five steps to meet him. I heard the memorized instructions being shared with me and I had a slight out of body experience realizing that in a matter of moments I was going to be the only one in a bathing suit under fluorescent lights with my bestie and a Greek god that had 2 % body fat– in a truck. AND, I voluntarily paid money to do this. What is wrong with me?

I changed behind the curtain, took a deep breath, and came out trying to act normal. I made it. I was standing in a bathing suit, head held high thinking I got this. THEN he says “please step on the scale”. For the love of all things that are right in the world. Now Zeuss man was going to weigh me? I close my eyes and start chanting, “there’s no place like home, there’s no place like home, there’s no place like home.” It didn’t work.

Then I saw it. A giant jelly roll pan submerged in a big tank. Oh Father, what have I done? It’s too late to run from Zeus’ truck, for many reasons. The least of which is not that I am 6 months post 4th baby delivery and in a bathing suit. So, I acted casual, breezy, if you will. This is completely normal behavior and didn’t bother me at all. Pinky swear.

I am instructed to get in the tank and lie face down on the jelly roll pan. I imagined that this is what they haul whales and large under water sea life around in. But wait, that’s ridiculous because the whale would blubber off the sides, or is that why we went for a jelly roll giant pan rather than a plain baking sheet type?  Then I realize that I am missing my further instructions with all this nonsense and I start paying attention. I’m laying face down, trying to awkwardly keep eye contact with the man towering above me while trying to figure out how to maintain modesty of my bathing suit top while I am in the most awkward position imaginable.

Then it gets worse.

Zeuss man puts weights on my lower back to keep me from floating. He then tells me that I am going to take a big breath in and go under water, blow all my air out until I am about to pass out and then count to 5, while laying my head on the jelly roll pan.  After that, I can come out of the water and breathe. I need to empty my lungs of air for an accurate reading. Um, yeah. As it turns out, that’s incredibly difficult by the way. I would say try it, but I like you. So, please don’t.

I’m laying face down covered in weights, trying to achieve a state of pre fainting, while underwater in a tank, in a truck, with a Greek god leaning over the side yelling instructions and banging the side of the tank in efforts to cheer me on. It’s official, I have reached a new low. All I can think is my bestie owes me SO big for me allowing her the pleasure of attending this natural disaster with me.

To make matters worse, every time I come out of the water gasping for breath, like I’m about to die, I get annihilated. I am face down and so as I come up for air, my long wet hair starts attacking me like octopus tentacles around my oxygen deprived face. That only adds to my gracefulness.

After multiple times at this horrific ritual, I am told that he is done. He has it. He now knows the magical information that I am after. I can go dry off and get changed. I thought the day would never come.

If you have ever doubted my commitment to my health, please don’t do it again.

…and yes, my metabolism is perfectly normal.



Pin It

The Tough Days

I am in the 6th week of Insanity and what began as a “I need to try this because everyone is doing it and I don’t wanna miss out” type of situation has turned into something much deeper.

I am loving this workout. Not because it’s fun, but because it requires an all in. Pretty much every time I press play I get an equal mix of dread and adrenaline. Every time I am done, I am dripping with sweat and completely spent. I need that. The all or nothing speaks to me.

The beginning of month two has brought me a new round of soreness, as I stared at the TV in disbelief today and said out loud, “Who are you people?”. I picked my jaw off the floor and joined them to the best of my ability. It wasn’t pretty, but I got it done. Now I can barely walk and I feel fantastic. Some say twisted, I say therapeutic.

If you have been reading for awhile, you know that I refer to Biggest Loser fairly often because I kinda heart that show more than any other. Well, you know the workouts where they have their “moment”? They are spent, look like crap, are exhausted and fetal on the floor by their throw up bucket at the end of the tread mill because they likely have just fallen off? In those moments, the deep revelations of soul healing work is begun. I’ve been there a few times during these weeks (minus the treadmill and the throw up bucket).

There is just something transforming about giving every shred of what you have. I have “worked out” regularly for a long time. This is a new level. I love me my Turbo Fire and it is a great workout. The calorie burn tells me so. It’s awesome and I have a great time doing it. Insanity? Insanity is fantastic on a whole different level. I need someone pushing me. Pushing me hard. Slapping the gym floor, dripping sweat, yelling, “You, can freaking do this.” Because the truth is I can and I often forget.

There is a time for dancing and a time for pushing to the limits and beyond what you are capable of. So that when you are done, you remember that the impossible is possible. It just takes some effort and much more effort than what is comfortable.

I decided to stop tracking the inches and pounds lost until the end of the program, which will be on Dec. 29th. I get quite derailed, quite quickly, when I don’t see the numbers doing what I want them to. I am giving my best because that is all I can do. I am trying to let go of the outcome. My best is rarely enough in my opinion. I am rarely satisfied with the outcome of my efforts. A weakness that has plagued me many times in my life. I am working on it.

I have done all of the workouts. I haven’t missed one yet. Six days a week for the past 5 weeks. I have been hit or miss on tracking my calories. I struggle with the discipline of that part. Haven’t been horrific, but haven’t been as fantastic as I want to be. A truly fit life style is a blend of heart, mind, body, and soul. They all play a very big part.

I’m so glad I’m doing this.

It’s in the eyes of my littles that I become inspired to be my best. God asks it of me and they sure deserve my efforts. While my littles will always be little to be, they really aren’t so little anymore. I am getting a bit freaked out about my age, for real.

Yesterday my husband and I celebrated our 18th wedding anniversary. How old must you be to have been married that long? Um 4o and 41 in our case. They just don’t tell you when you are 41 you feel 32. It’s the strangest thing. I feel very unready to move into this next phase of life where I trade pacifiers for car keys and diapers for cell phones. Yet, its approaching like a freight train and I can not stop it. Get ready, I must. Grow old gracefully is going to take some work, I guess. Right now I am growing old while kicking and screaming. It’s not so pretty.

Today has been rough. One of those days we all have. I saved enough calories to splurge on a peppermint hot chocolate from McDonalds because I tell you its ridiculously good. I sit here in my bedroom by the glow of my Christmas Tree, scared to move because my thighs will yell at me and I am a giant mix of emotion. The days that are SO much. Today is that. We live in a world with plenty of yuck. The yuck forces growth and for that part I am grateful.

Tomorrow morning I get to go photograph some sweet preschool children, hang with my own, tackle school lessons, take my son on a photo shoot, string popcorn, grin and bear it through another Insanity workout, and do all things that a mother will do.

“Being uncertain and scared and riddled with doubt some days isn’t a sign of bad things to come. It’s actually quite the opposite. After all, if great things weren’t on the horizon, I don’t think the enemy would be so bent on attacking us.”

-Lysa TerKeurst.

This comforts my soul.

Pin It

ONE CHANGE: Label Reading

Read them like your life depends on it, because it just might.

If you can’t pronounce it, think twice.

I read everything these days. Every label, of every thing, I buy.

Read the ingredients, not just the packaging. Find the part where they say the long list of ingredients. Don’t be fooled into thinking that because they say WHOLE GRAIN on the front of a box of cereal that it is healthy. There are now “nutritious” cookies and practically every bread is labeled as healthy and when you turn it over, it clearly isn’t.

You gotta read.

Stick to WHOLE GRAINS. WHOLE WHEAT. Just wheat isn’t good enough. It needs to say WHOLE WHEAT.

Enriched is only enriched because someone did something to screw it up in the first place and they are trying to put something back in. Good food doesn’t need enriching.

Stay away from chemicals.

Stay away from food dye.

Natural Flavors is a common ingredient in food. However, these can be anything but natural. There are no rules about what this can be. So common sense tells me to stay away from products with natural flavors. If it really is ok, I am thinking the food makers would have zero problem identifying it.

I can hear some people now even as I type. Chill out. Calm down. Everything is tested and on an on. In a world full of rising cancers, sickness, obesity, and childhood behavioral disorders? I just don’t want to be a science experiment. There is something easier.

It’s called food. Real food.

When you start to see ingredients that are used over and over, google them. MSG, natural flavors, food dyes, and Soy Lecithin are some of the big ones. Google them and understand what you are eating. Then decide if you want to eat it at all.

Back in January, I didn’t understand that it was possible that my food could not contain any actual food in it. I honestly didn’t ever think about that. I want my chicken to be chicken and my strawberries to be strawberries. I used to think it was. I am learning that is not the case. Watch this video. It is 14 minutes, but very interesting.

Make informed decisions. Know both sides.

I didn’t even really realize that there was two sides to know. We see and hear one side… the grocery store aisles.

Find the other side.

A recent conversation with a friend leads to a good example. She had come to me to hear what I have been learning, so despite the fact this looks like I was being a pushy dirtbag, she asked.

“I went to Chick Fil a, but I got a salad so it was fine,” she said.

“I guarantee you it wasn’t fine,” says I. 🙂

“It was just lettuce and vegetables. They chop it up in the store,” she continued.

Let’s look.

(taken from their website)

Chick-fil-A<span class='reg'>&reg;</span> Southwest Chargrilled Salad

Chick-fil-A® Southwest Chargrilled Salad

Spicy Chargrilled chicken (100% natural whole chicken breast filets, seasoning [salt, monosodium glutamate, sugar, spices, paprika], coated with: [spices, partially hydrogenated soybean and/or cottonseed oils, salt, ancho chili pepper, garlic powder, autolyzed yeast extract, tomato powder, disodium inosinate, citric acid, disodium guanylate, dehydrated parsley, no more than 2% calcium silicon dioxide {anti-caking agent}]), romaine lettuce, iceberg lettuce, corn and black bean blend (corn, black beans, poblano chilies, red bell peppers, soybean oil, green onion, water, lime juice concentrate [preserved with sulfites], red and green chili peppers, distilled vinegar, tomato paste, high fructose corn syrup, cilantro, tomatoes, onion [including dehydrated], salt, sugar, jalapeno peppers, spices, green bell peppers, chipotle peppers, dextrose, red bell peppers*, green pepper juice, garlic juice, wheat germ, maltodextrin, potassium sorbate and sodium benzoate added as preservatives, garlic*, xanthan gum, natural flavors [including smoke flavor], cocoa powder, citric acid, propylene glycol alginate, calcium disodium EDTA added to protect flavor, pimentos), grape tomatoes, red cabbage, carrots, Monterey/Jack cheddar cheese blend (cheddar cheese [cultured pasteurized milk, salt, enzymes, annatto {color}], Monterey Jack cheese [cultured pasteurized milk, salt, enzymes], potato starch and powdered cellulose added to prevent caking, natamycin [a natural mold inhibitor]). *deyhdrated

WOW! Right? A whole lot of stuff I don’t want. Not to mention that this produce is not organic {I’m going out on a limb to guess that} and therefore is likely full of chemicals, pesticides, and gmo’s that do not require labeling.

Read the label and then decide.

You may choose to change nothing, but at least read.

It seems like a good time to tell you my confession. I was pretty irritated when we first changed the way we eat. I was. I felt ruined. I felt like I had had a bubble popped that I couldn’t get back inside. I wanted the days back where I blissfully trusted that anything on the shelves was good for me (watching of course that we didn’t consume too much desserts and the like). Top Ramen was a healthy chicken soup to comfort the soul and feed the body. You know? Those days were gone and I was irritated. Ignorance is not always bliss.

That was not reality. This is and it is what it is. These days I am glad that I know.

We have a list of physical improvements in this house. The uptmost of importance has been with one of my children, specifically. The behavior has changed dramatically. Less anger, less stomach aches, better concentration, a twinkle in the eye, happiness and self proclaimed, “I feel like a fog has been lifted”. Living this truth out, there is no way I am going back.

The continued absence of this highly processed food is continuing to cement that this change is a done deal for my family. We continue to eat junk every so often (we shoot for the 90/10 rule) and then inevitably feel physically bad. Which that in and of itself can also be annoying. The “splurges” or “we can eat that today” is becoming less and less and less. It’s not worth it, quite frankly. When you see what it does to your body in stark contrast to how we feel now on a daily basis, it changes you.

Tree hugger? Yeah, I am becoming one. I am trying to be one that doesn’t preach it 24/7 from my billboard and my megaphone (just my blog). One that will tell you information un-judgingly when asked. One that will eat a meal at someone’s house when invited over, but then runs back home and resumes hugging. You know a peaceful, polite, and unobtrusive little tree hugger.

I know there is a lot of question out there. I have received SO much email regarding the real foods topic and the challenge we first did back in March.

Hot topic indeed.

Bottom line?

Tree hugging is hip.

Try it.





Pin It

32 Things I Will Celebrate

1. The 5,678,587 times over the past year that I did NOT drive through Jack in the Box and order a 44 oz cold, crisp, bubbly cup of life giving diet coke. I’m no longer an addict, I promise.

2. My pantry, full of food, that I am happy to feed to my family.

3. The miles that I have logged over the past year, ON FOOT.

4. I can run 7 miles without dying stopping.

5. H20 and the gallons and gallons of it that I drink each day.

6. The fact that that I looked in the mirror this morning and thought, “Not bad for a 41 year old with 4 kids.”

7. Bananas. They are yummy on and in everything.

8. My eyes, they are blue, and a pretty shade of blue. God did good on them.

9. Muscles. They were lost, but now they are found.

10. New undergarments. Heaven I tell ya, there is nothin’ much better. 🙂

11. Mason jars. They make breakfast more fun.

12. God’s perfect creation of food. It’s all perfectly balanced, just the way He made it.

13. Turbo Fire. Working out with brilliant music? I’m in. Six days a week.

14. Passing on good health habits to my kids.

15. Electic Whatnot 31 Days to a Healthier You. Love people who are open with their journey. We really all have such similar struggles.

16. Facebook. I belong to a private group of encouraging peeps who chat all things health related, they get it! (if you wanna join, let me know)

17. 100 Days of Real Food. A wealth of information that helped my family change our eating habits. It is a website about healthy eating that I actually understand.

18. I stood on the scale this morning and it didn’t make me cry. The same thing happened last week. I am sensing a new trend.

19. Friends who chat fitness with me.

20. The realization that each hard thing in my life makes me fight, makes me strong, and makes me closer to my Jesus.

21. Running. It makes me feel strong and invincible. Everybody needs to feel that way now and then.

22. The realization that good days and pant sizes are unrelated.

23. My health has been a struggle, but without the struggle I would not have nearly the appreciation for my body that I do. I have poured plenty of blood, sweat, and tears into my current state.

24. We are all different shapes and sizes. Mine doesn’t define me, neither does yours.

25. My neighbor asked me to save box tops for her and I realized I can’t. I don’t buy much in boxes or with labels on it, anymore.

26. How great I feel.

27. The past is so far back there. I have a ways to go, but the past is out of sight now.

28. Friends who are successful on their own journeys, whatever that is. It inspires me.

29. Vulnerability. It makes me strong.

30. The baggage that I have opened up and am cleaning out. It’s making me healthy on the inside and the out. It’s not just about the physical. It really is mind, body, and soul.

31. Crossing the finish line at my first half marathon. It’s coming and I can’t wait.

32. The thirty two pounds I have yet to lose. Each ounce will be a victory. I will celebrate big when I get there, but I am choosing to also celebrate each step of the way. Today I woke up tired of all I “have to do”. This learning to love yourself and take care of yourself gig is tough. Today I choose joy instead of the bleh and I made me a list to prove it!


Happy Wednesday.


Pin It

ONE CHANGE: Organic Food

Organic Food. Yeah, way more expensive, end of story. We have made the choice to go Organic in just about every single thing we are eating. Why? It is not because we like paying substantially more for our food.

When you buy Organic, you are guaranteed to not have a vat full of the “crap” that is in most of our food. From chemicals to pesticides to GMO’s. {The term “ORGANIC” is definitely not a license to eat whatever you want and call it healthy. For the aisles of health food grocery stores are still stocked with Organic Junk Food.}

About 9 months ago, I had no clue what GMO was.


Some of the information that I have found when researching this here food thing, is downright disturbing to me. I say that with no joking. It’s almost too disturbing to wrap my head around.

GMO- google it. You will find plenty of information. However, the Darcy paraphrase is this- a TON of our food in America (like 94% of soy crops) is genetically modified. That means scientists are messing with the actual make up of our food. Reason? One of them is to create food that will produce its own toxins, so that it will grow better and withstand pesticides. This food has not been tested for safety. This food doesn’t have to be labeled as such. This food is not as God created it.

It all sounds very Star Trek-y to me.

I realize that the tendency as you start looking at all of this, is to say that there is two sides to everything. I agree, there is.

However, if you take every other “side”, argument, and fact that a little ‘ol housewife in Ca is trying to find out– the bottom line is this. I want God making my food. He’s kind of good at that.

This has been the hardest topic to figure out how to write on because of the enormous amount of information out there that is quite frankly WAY OVER MY HEAD.

BUT AGAIN – I want God making my food. After reading about genetically modified food for about 2.2 seconds, I know that. Why would I subject my health and the health of my babies and loved ones to the labs of men who are working hard to create food that is more cost effective for them? There is no reason that I can think of. Not one.

I seriously wonder what impact this will have on all of us in 40 or 50 years. Am I making too big of a deal about this? mmm, I don’t think so. Not for us. It’s not worth the risk when there is another fairly easy option.


In 2011, 88% of America’s corn was genetically modified and over 94% of soy was. I didn’t even know I was eating that.

For example, SOY LECHITIN is found in about a jillion things. The thing that strikes me quite odd, is the fact that it is in our “health food.” Protein shakes, bars, etc. So in order to be “healthier” I was drinking and eating products that are highly processed and genetically modified and considered by some- very dangerous. This makes no sense. If I want more protein, why not eat some kale, or spinach, or chicken? Seems safer.

It’s kind of like my kids vitamins having chemical food dye. I give them something to make them healthier that contains chemicals that many consider quite dangerous?


Seems counterproductive.

Want another bottom line?

Experts argue over all of this. Experts argue over all kinds of stuff.

My bottom line? I don’t have to eat it. My life or my kid’s life is not going to be less quality because I didn’t let them eat Nacho Cheese Dorritos and Pop Tarts. It just might be higher quality because I chose not too.

So, wading through all the confusion. I found over and over reasons to support that in general, Organic Products have less artificial and more God created.

…and so, we choose them first.


*I am by no means an expert on this information. This is me simply sharing what changes we are making and the progression of our kitchen to move towards as clean and as unprocessed eating as we can. In March of 2012, I emptied my pantry and refrigerator of all of our regular foods that contained enormous amounts of sugar, food dyes, and chemicals. This worked for us because I am kind of an all in type of girl.  I am constantly learning, constantly realizing new information, and constantly evolving in my kitchen. One change + one change + one change  = some pretty big changes and improved health. It is doable.








Pin It

I Learned Something

One of my besties and I were out to a meal discussing an issue that I was having. She asked, “What’s the pay off?” In other words, why do you keep doing that ~ Y O U F R E A K? I added the you freak part, because by the end of over annunciating every word in that sentence, it seems quite necessary.

I likely sound like a broken record or blurbs of a self help book over the last three years, but oh how much I have learned. It’s amazing what happens when you slow down and evaluate. My head has become my own Dr. Phil show.

*Really this has no point, but it’s hysterical

When it comes to my fitness journey ~ my quest for life long balance~ after 18 months of this long journey I learn another thing about myself today. Another bolt of lightening that zaps me and I remember the words

What’s the Pay off?

I was minding my own business giving a concert to no one but my cute toddler and not driving the speed limit down a back road this morning when I swear I heard bells ringing and choirs singing as my ah ha moment came to me as if from no where.

What’s the pay off?

What is the pay off? OH NO.

Do I do things for a pay off? crap it, all the time.

What do I do when there is no pay off? um, pretty much flounder.

Who am I when no one is looking? I kinda don’t like that question, next please.

The last three years of my life have been a perfectly orchestrated dance by the One who knows me better than I know myself. I asked Him for help and He is delivering by the truck full.

He showed me today while Colbie Caillat was causing some fantastic front seat in the van dancing, that if my actions are a result of a pay off that I am receiving, then can I really claim to be doing those actions as a result of obedience? Hardly. The answer is a simple no.

Pay offs bring empty gratification and lurk around every corner. They are flighty, inconsistent, and produce fast results and epic failures. Sounds all too familiar to me.

True obedience my friends. That’s what I sustains. Obedience that is not driven by pant sizes, BMI charts, Pinterest quotes, or insane work out programs. {No reference intended to all you Shaun T fans out there. I totally support you, Holla.}

I have a deeper understanding than I did 24 hours ago. My crawl of progress is continuing in the right direction…

My tired soul can rest in that.




Related Posts with Thumbnails
Pin It