I have sat down to write too many times to count and the words won’t come. So, I start messy and with a blog that won’t currently let me post pictures.
Let’s discuss the weather first. I’m telling you, I don’t know how I lived without seasons thus far. I find them to be amazing. From a girl who rearranges furniture and paints walls as often as I change my socks, I am totally on board with the let’s change things up every three months plan. The only thing I miss desperately is that 109 degree DRY heat of summer in Cali. That does not happen here. Although it hasn’t yet, maybe it will. One thing I am learning about Missouri, is anything weather related is possible. There is snow on the ground, birds are chirping, my fire is roaring, and our less than efficient temperature readings say it “feels like” 13 even though the temperature is 19. #lifecurrently
A couple of weekends ago, I was in Joplin, Mo and ate at a Chick Fil A that was leveled by the F5 tornado several years ago. The friends we were with drove us through the hardest hit areas. You still see remnants of the path. It’s unreal. I came home and geeked out watching documentaries about it and it is hard to wrap my mind around the fact that I live 2 hours from where that happened. Spring is coming fast and those thunderstorms are coming back. I could live without the tornado possibility, but they are unbelievable fascinating. If only I could see one in real life from a place where I was 100% safe. Ya know? #talesofanearthquakegirl
A couple of weeks ago, I went on a road trip with one of my daughters. We had never done that before…so fun. We drove 8 hours down to Texas to stay with some of my people and attended the Great Homeschool Convention in Fort Worth. I went to SO many great workshops and was able to spend hours looking through curriculum. So many of the writer’s of the curriculum were at this convention. It was awesome to be able to speak to them in person and learn from them.
One curriculum I really wanted to check out was FIVE IN A ROW. I really wanted to spend some time reading through it to see if it would be a good fit to do with MY BABY WHO WILL BE STARTING PRE K NEXT YEAR. (ugh). I get to their booth only to find it EMPTY. After several attempts over the first two days, I finally track down the creator of the curriculum who was there solo, WITHOUT his books!
Long story, he says.
So, I jokingly replied, well then I won’t tell you I came all the way from Missouri to see your curriculum!
I came down from Missouri.
Wow! I am from Kansas City area.
Really? I am from Lees Summit.
Um, me too.
and we continue this weird little geography back and forth until it turns out he lives exactly 1.1 miles from me. So, I am going over next week for coffee and to look at the curriculum in their home! #bam
WHAT ARE THE ODDS?????? It might be fate.
Other convention highlights?
My daughter met Math U See Steve. #hesreallytall
I found two new curriculum treasures. ONE THAT I WILL BE REVIEWING SOON…stay tuned. It’s adorableness can not be explained properly.
I was eating lunch alone and Math U See Steve came and sat with me and had lunch with me. (My daughter might think I am famous now)
If you don’t do conventions and you homeschool, make it a priority to get to one. I am reminded every year when I go how NOT alone we are in this journey. We are not weird, well we are, but ya know. Go to the workshops, touch the books, pet them, wheel around a plastic cart or carry a canvas tote if you need to. You won’t be sorry. Do what you need to do to stay inspired. It’s a necessary part of what we do.
This was the best one I have ever been too. SO glad we went.
…and getting to see some of my bestest people was icing on the cake. So was eating at In ‘N Out… Dear Lord, if you see fit, could you please build an In ‘n Out in Missouri. Amen.
I am not sure if I technically live in the Bible belt or not, but let me tell you many things here are a far cry from anything I would see in California. Gas stations with full racks of shirts praising Jesus, Chick Fil A plays Christian music. I mean….
This was the same thought that I was having as I was in the Target bathroom and all of a sudden a song blatantly praising Jesus came on. I didn’t even realize Target played music. WOW. Totally not in Cali anymore. I closed my eyes for a minute and thanked God from the bottom of my heart for this little known gem I live in, in the middle of America. Fourteen months into this cross country move thang and I still mostly feel like an alien, but hearing this music…somehow just feels like I belong. So great.
Then I realize it was coming from my purse. From my phone. My make up case had decided to turn on my music.
I can’t even…
Y’all things have been difficult around here. I want to fill endless posts of stories of beauty and there is beauty, but the truth of it is telling it has simply been too much some days and that is ok for now. My pride struggles a bit as well because I am tired of saying things are hard, but they are what they are and I have to be ok with that too. #toeverythingthereisaseason
I honestly can say that I have never been through a season in life where I feel quite so certain that Satan is so after my family, my home, our hearts, and our minds. 2013 was a brutal year and at the end of that year God in His sovereign mercy chose to swoop in and protect my family in ways only He can. So, I mapped out in my head what the next steps were going to be. I need to knock that off.
I would like to say that 2014 has driven me to my knees. You know a pretty picture of rays of sunlight streaming in and there I am kneeling by my bedside, eyes softly closed and lips forming words to a prayer pleading with God for wisdom and help.
But no. It has been one where there is no energy for kneeling, so you lay bloody on the floor face down. Eyes swollen from tears that are just about to do you in and lips that are still because your soul is doing all the talking, the screaming really. Silently, yet louder than any noise heaven has heard before.
“I always thought that desperation was to be avoided at any cost. Now I am learning that being desperate isn’t always a reflection of a disaster but an attitude to cultivate. Desperation for God is a good thing. If you became desperate for God, do you understand what that could mean for the rest of your life?”
“The kingdom of heaven means being near to the presence of God. The kingdom, the presence of God, is a blessing that comes to the poor in spirit. Poverty of spirit comes to us after we have tried to do life on our own and realize we cannot be enough. We have looked inside our souls and seen that nothing good is there. We have owned up to our sin and fessed up to our motives. We have yelled and cursed and screamed. We’ve finally let the truth of our insides out; into the light comes the reality of poverty. We come to see our emptiness for what it truly is: the absence of God. “
“Blessed are the poor in spirit, For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” Matthew 5:3
And so the ah ha moment produces a different course of action. One that is not furiously scribbling out plans and to do lists of how to turn this mutha out. You know all the Pinterest inspired ways to be a better wife, a better mom, more clever, more organized, and more holy. All intended to get my junk together. Nope. It’s one I call the #bestill plan. One that is completely enveloped in one thing and one thing alone. Crawling up into the arms of my Savior and staying there in the shadow of His wings. A longing that is felt in a way unmatched, other than when it is produced from complete and total desperation.
There is so much praise in pain.
Faith adds its “Amen” to God’s “Yea,” and then takes its hands off, and leaves God to finish His work. ~Streams in the Dessert
There is so much glory in pain.
“Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.”
He’s doing just that and I have a front row seat.
and with that…I swim.