I’m Kinda A Mess, But Not

I sit here at the blank screen tonight in the same place I have been repeatedly for the last several months. So much swirling in my heart and my head it gets stuck. So, I start reading my old blog posts from the last several months and I find myself in awe of our Lord. Just in awe. As I read posts of where I was and the path I was on.

Lessons learned on saying goodbyes, on faith, and seeing God answer the prayers of my heart.

“Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly,

To venture on wider seas

Where storms will show your mastery;

Where losing sight of land,

We shall find the stars.”

I think I have lost sight of land. lol. My land. My home. My people. As I sit here in a hotel room in Lincoln, Nebraska (a sentence I thought I’d never say), I recall my day today. I was sold a Subway sandwich by a young man who was chewing tobacco, after which I was informed that refills on soda were no longer allowed by the NE department of health. I might be out of my element. It is three degrees here. Three. The only use I have for that number is the size I wish my pants were, not to define the temperature of the air outside.

sign

The state of my unknown early October was so massive to my trembling heart, to the heart of my family. Here I sit just a short three months later completely in awe of 2013. The whole thing.

mypeople

The last few weeks have been so unbelievably difficult saying goodbye to our people. We left home on Tuesday. It was an ok day. New Years Eve Day. Wednesday I quite literally cried on and off most of the day. Today was much better. I know a ton of people have moved and at times I admit I feel downright lame for how difficult this is for me. However, it is what it is and what it is is a huge leap of faith. One that I have taken on with pointed toes. I’m ready.

newyears

A couple of years ago I heard a sermon where the pastor was talking about trust in God and jumping. I wondered how you could practically jump and what that would look like. I think this qualifies. I have never been more unsure and certain, terrified and at peace…in my entire life. Forty Two years of my life lay 1770 miles away from me. It’s unsettling.

My skin is cracking dry already with this cold, my eyes are puffy like a post fight boxer, and my heart is full as I read “we’ll miss you’s along side sweet welcomes” on my timeline.

And despite the -7 degree forecast for Lees Summit this Sunday morning, I can’t wait to sit and worship with my new church family. {right after I go jacket shopping and perhaps watch an instructional video on how to drive in below freezing temps;)} Worship this Jesus of ours who works all things together for our good…I am thankful.

Happy New Year! Hope 2014 rocks for ya!

xo.

 

p.s.

* I saw an Instagram Collage poster recently and thought it would be so cool to have one made up of something. So the last couple months I have been taking shots of objects and places that are special to my family and I in one way or another. I can’t wait to get it all together and order our poster of Elk Grove memories. When we finally find our new home, it will be hanging up on the wall. It will always make me smile.

collage

*where my husband’s iPad lept from the roof of our car to it’s untimely death.

photo2

* the giraffe dude from one of our favorite Elk Grove Parks.

See what I mean? Imagine 50 random images such as these side by side in cute little squares. Fun, right?

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2 Responses to I’m Kinda A Mess, But Not
  1. Rikki
    January 3, 2014 | 6:47 am

    I have been keeping up on fb and praying for you guys. I trust God has you and will continue to guide you on His path for you–and it will be good. Now, buy some warm things because it’s freezing in the midwest!!

  2. Kyra
    January 3, 2014 | 3:40 pm

    I’m praying for you and this time of transition.

    Allow yourself an undetermined amount of time to grieve those things you miss. God is right there beside you.

    And not any easy time of year to move to the Midwest with snow as far as the eye can see. In MN, we are expecting temps -50 on Monday. Makes me want to move away.

    But the Springs and Summers are beautiful and such a reward for toughing out the harsh Winters. Invite your CA family and friends out to experience this time of year.

    Praying you find the right home and for people to rally around you and your family. Midwest people are known for their hard work and hospitality.

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