God Reads My Blog

I know. It is the most ridiculous title ever, but I couldn’t help myself. When I look over the events of the last week I think back to THIS. I think God musta been like, “uh huh, sweet child of mine, I have different plans.” And boy did He.

“this mama needs to be prepared. I need to start the year with a bouquet of sharpened pencils, new systems, a fresh coat of paint on the craigslist school table and binders…there must be new binders. Cute ones. I need to have a BIG understanding of a BIG picture of the year. I need my lesson planner filled in, my worksheets filed and ready, and my Pinterest boards overflowing with possibilities. It’s how I roll.”

I read that now and think- ha ha. I wrote that. Like last week.

Somewhere around the third day before school was going to start, I came to terms with the fact that I wouldn’t have my list complete. I would have week one complete. September was going to be a month of working hard and prepping for the year. Something that didn’t get done during summer as hoped. It’s o.k. I made my peace with it. It was all going to work. That was plan B. No worries.

We busted out Monday morning. Then came Tuesday.

My hubby woke up with a stomach ache and went off to work. He showed up back at home around lunch and I started to get crabby. NOT much sympathy happening. You see, I get jealous every time my husband gets sick because of the whole, “why don’t mama’s get sick days situation.” I’m not going to lie. It’s a huge weakness of mine. I handle it horribly. I am not completely wretched, but I am no Florence Nightengale either. So Wednesday morning came and that man didn’t leave his bed. We started day three of school out of sorts and my hubby feeling awful. Late afternoon he mentions the pain is on the right side more than anywhere. After a couple days of pain, vomiting, and feeling awful, my inner Florence emerged and as I began the Wednesday night ritual of youth group, soccer, and 4H, I called the dr. on his behalf. Appendicitis being my fear.

The bottom line of the conversation was it did not sound like appendicitis and I should treat him for nausea. The end. SO, I breathed a sigh of relief and continued on. No appt. needed. I woke up Wednesday morning to my husband white as a ghost, doubled over in pain and I just knew that the advice nurse was wrong.

A very high white blood count, heart rate that was two times normal, a fever of almost 104, and an elevated billie rueben count had my heart rate almost double normal as well. My husband NEVER gets sick. EVER. No stitches, no broken bones, no bee stings. As boring as they come. Yet, here we were in the ER, signing consent forms to a surgery where they told us they were unsure of what they would find. Not fun.

The surgeon was the first to inform us that he believed the appendix had burst.

hall

As I stood in the hall, with my husband lying on the bed next to me, the tears started. This was NOT what was on the agenda for this Thursday. I tried every trick I knew to hold them at bay and I just couldn’t. Praise Jesus there were huggers on his surgical team because I needed one. He always provides.

When we were saying our goodbyes right before they wheeled him back, I felt eyes on me. I looked up and peered into the eyes of his surgeon. They were the only thing showing on his face and I wondered if that man comprehends how incredibly life changing his job actually is. In moments like this when he looks and sees intimate moments between a husband and wife, I wonder what goes through his head. I wonder. Because an appendectomy that may indeed be quite routine in the world of the hospital is no where near routine in my world. I leaned down to kiss my husband good bye. I tell him I’m crying because I love him and then he was gone.

hall#2

After 3.5 hours in the waiting room the surgeon emerges and after his report I unclench my teeth and breathe. 5-7 days in the hospital. How much worse it could have been. I am so grateful. Indeed it was a burst appendix. Indeed that advice nurse was wrong. Very wrong.

PEOPLE ARE THEIR BEST IN CRISIS.

I have zero words that would adequately describe how highly I think of those people who say, “what can I do?” or the ones that say, “yes”. We were flooded with both. Those that arrived practically at the crack of dawn with breakfast for me to the ones that arrived late at night with vegetable soup for my husband. To those that cancelled their own plans to help us. It makes me all warm and fuzzy just thinking about it.

snack

*snack time for sad little girls missing their parents. I tell you my parents rock the crisis times like nobody’s buisness. 

My parents took over my house. My kids, my chickens, my dog, my plants, my errands, my dirty bathroom, my laundry, my empty fridge, and my dirty air filters. My husband’s mom is taking round 2 now helping us as we get settled back in at home. We are anticipating a month long recovery. We’ve had food dropped on our door, our gas tanks filled up, our errands done without question, our lawns mowed, our trash taken out, our kids taken on sleepovers, and meals arriving for the next two weeks. We are so blessed.

IT WAS LIKE A VACATION. #butnot

datenight

I have been longing for a vacation. It just hasn’t financially been possible. I have been in prayer about it and perhaps should have been more specific. I stayed with my husband round the clock in room 11545. A room with a view. Sleeping arrangements were a bit poor, but while the world sped on around that hospital tower, we had time, just the two of us. We strolled. Granted there was no beach to look out at but dang it we strolled. My man rocked the hospital gown and grey socks and while we discussed his gangrenous appendix, bodily functions, and how hospital food might actually kill you, I pretended it was a b&b. I will take it. That’s the longest we have been away from the kids ever. We had middle of the night laughs as I relayed those moments of him waking up from surgery and what he did and said. That, my friend, is a good time. There is always a silver lining and I downright mean that.

room

BIG MOMENTS SPIN MY BRAIN INTO OVERDRIVE

I wrote that last week too and boy do they. This one is no exception. Every detail etched in and stored away for safe keeping. I don’t wanna miss something. The big or the small. The frantic mother running into the er with a giant gash across her little daughters face. Oh, that sweet baby girl’s look. It haunts me. The frail woman always walking the halls hooked up to so many things and always alone. What’s her story. The 1st year resident with the worst bedside manner ever. Struggling to find her line between a grown up job and her inner high school valley girl in the cafeteria days, she was stuck in the middle. I wonder how she will do. The miraculous nurses who do this day in and day out. Such caring people. The fact that there is no 9th floor in this hospital. Is that even possible? The bathroom near nurse station one is strangely warm and cozy, yet the bathroom near nurses station three is an ice box. Why is that? And as I sit in the cafeteria eating the most delicious frozen yogurt I’ve ever tasted {weird, right?} I remember back just last year to when I frequented this hospital for a very different reason. Sweet Livy.

ISN’T THIS A BIT OVERDRAMATIC

Probably. I get lots of people have had this done. I understand. However, perhaps we all need to be a bit more dramatic sometimes. Maybe we need to feel deeper and love longer and pray harder and cry freer and hug strangers tighter. I sat moments after they wheeled my husband away on the bathroom floor and I sobbed. I figure the floors of a bathroom have to be extra clean because that is where you are supposed to have breakdowns. I sobbed because I love that man and I hate to see him in pain. I sobbed because of the reality of how many people endure this reality day in and day out, many with different outcomes than mine. I sobbed for the simple truth that I don’t wanna deal with appendicitis. It’s inconvenient and not in our plan and it kinda sucks. I sobbed because I don’t have room on my plate for this. I sobbed because of the what if’s. I sobbed because of how fast life can change. It scares me, sometimes.

goinghome

BACK TO SCHOOL

All the things that were so important to finish before the first day of school pale in comparison now. We start school with devotions. Today’s devotion, I kid you not, read like this…

 In their hearts humans plan their course,
    but the Lord establishes their steps. Psalm 16:9

So, I was sitting there with the lamest hair do ever, sweats for the 5th day in a row, tired, like I have a newborn tired, and I read that humans try and get peace by controlling their life. However, we. can. not. We can’t determine if we will be sick or well enough to get out of bed. We put our faith in HIM and HE gives us peace. #jesuscallingforkids

I laugh aloud.

I say to the kids, geez ya think? They giggle too.

I get it. In my humanness, I will forget it again and likely in the very near future. BUT I get it right now.

Oh, my Jesus, you are in control. I can let go and rest in that.

 

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15 Responses to God Reads My Blog
  1. June Steckler
    September 17, 2013 | 11:52 pm

    Amen and Amen. : ) Been there, done that. Good on ya. xoxo!

  2. June Steckler
    September 17, 2013 | 11:56 pm

    And by “been there” I mean all of it: the unexpected, life-threatening hospital emergency scene, the sobbing on the floor, the witnessing of one’s life being taken over by friends and family as well as the “Oh, THIS is faith” growth step, the recovery, the trauma, the tired beyond words, the shocking gratefulness for all of it…. And yes, that’s why I have the authority (?!?) to say “good on ya!” : ) I’m like the older, traumatized sister you never wanted! (Hey, let’s meet someday!)

    • just a night owl
      September 18, 2013 | 12:01 am

      I kinda adore you, June Steckler. Let’s meet someday definitely. xo.

  3. June Steckler
    September 18, 2013 | 12:03 am

    : )

  4. Erica Kozocas
    September 18, 2013 | 12:31 am

    Darcy you are awesome – so open and real! I am so glad everything turned out ok and your hubby is home safe and sound! I love that verse too – I think I need to highlight it in my bible! xoxo

  5. Rikki
    September 18, 2013 | 5:39 am

    Wish I lived close so I could hug you and cry with you. Been praying and will continue. Love what you said about us trying to get peace through control. Truth! God’s been teaching me that this new school year but through less dramatic means. Still plenty of crying, though. 🙂

  6. Vikie
    September 18, 2013 | 6:10 am

    I am so glad that Shawn is OK. What a scary thing to have to go through. You handled it so well too.

  7. Wendy
    September 18, 2013 | 6:43 am

    Wow! Thank you so much for being willing to share your experience with us. I needed this! Bless you and your hubby and all those folks who are helping while your hubby heals from surgery.

  8. kelli
    September 18, 2013 | 12:04 pm

    Praying for your and your family as you all recover from the events of last week.

    Two years ago my sweet little one spent a few days in the hospital and it was life changing for me. My husband was gone that week and the kids and I had all kinds of plans….spending time in the hospital was not one of them.

    Thank you for sharing..

  9. Nita
    September 18, 2013 | 12:18 pm

    Yes, God does read your blog, and your heart. So glad your husband is recovering. So sorry this had to happen.

  10. Shelby
    September 18, 2013 | 12:27 pm

    God bless you. What a tough time you have had. I remember when my never gets sick husband got really sick. It was terrifying. He had pneumonia and it landed him in the ICU at the hospital for four days! I was beyond freaked out! Praise God he got better and came home…where he spent another three weeks in bed recovering. To this day I remember laying next to him in bed and hearing his chest rattle while he wheezed and it gives me the chills all over again. I will be praying for your family.

  11. Trish @ Live And Learn Farm
    September 18, 2013 | 3:51 pm

    I. love. how. you. write. I love your faith, your love, your frankness, your vulnerability! What a blessing you are to have as a friend and as a team member on HHM! Thank you for being real and being YOU! Thankful it is all calming down now and that hubby is home!

  12. Cara Yeh
    September 19, 2013 | 1:45 pm

    Oh my goodness! I am so sorry you had to go through that… how precious that you looked at it as a “vacation,” (sort of!) Blessings to you and your family!!

  13. Cindy @ Fenced in Family
    September 19, 2013 | 5:06 pm

    Oh, Darcy, my heart goes out to you! I’ll be praying for your husband (and you) during his recovery. Much love to you both.

  14. Laure Covert
    September 21, 2013 | 6:08 am

    Wonderful post. Seeking peace through control…it is still my default setting, God knows. You write so well that I read every word, btw.

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