Stuff That Moves Me

The last month or so I have been feeling a bit like a dirt bag teacher. Stuff was all getting done, but I have been riddled with the guilt of not doing “enough” and not being prepared “enough” and well yeah. It happens when I start to let school slip down the rungs of the ladder of importance in my life. Then I feel guilty because I’m all ” REALLY, this is your kid’s education and this can NOT slip.” BUT THEN, I’m all, “REALLY, does another completed craft off of Pinterest define successful education?” I think not. So, you can see the argument that wages in my head, complete with the vocabulary of a 16 year old.

The bottom line is homeschooling is HARD. It’s hard because of the weight of responsibility. It’s hard because of the amount of time it takes. It’s just hard for a lot of reasons. The hardest thing I have ever done. It’s also what my husband and I believe that God wants for our family. So, when the going gets tough for me, it does not mean that it is time to quit, but time to honestly look and re prioritize. There very may well come a day that my children go back to school outside of the home. If and when that day comes, I am confident that the Lord will make it clear to both my husband and I. It’s not now.

A life of substance requires sacrifice, dependence on God, denying ourselves, and constant asking for His will and mine to line up. So many times my flesh sneaks up and says things like, “Hey, you deserve to get 8 hours a day to yourself while your kids are away at school” I start to fantasize about what I could accomplish during those hours… I can hardly imagine what that would be like. Whatever God calls each of us to, for our own lives, is undoubtedly going to be a challenge at some point. That doesn’t mean that you need to change it. It probably means you need to change you. It usually means that for me, anyway.

I had a really good week back at school last week. I kicked school back up two notches to its rightful place and prayed for enthusiasm, energy, patience, and passion. All of the things that I want for a teacher of my children to have. One night, while I was looking around on some blogs for some fun ideas for this next month of school, I ran across this post {Why I (Almost) Gave Up Homeschooling} by Eddie @ Life In Grace. She was one of the first blogs I ever found. The post stopped me right in my tracks.

“I wandered off the path because the path was difficult.”

“I was busy and distracted.”

“We want the beauty without the struggle.”

My heart’s whisperings articulated perfectly on paper. So nice to know I am not alone. If you homeschool, or ever feel like you want to give up on something, please read this. It is bookmarked on my computer, for safe keeping.

When I am in the right place, I get up and act out the vocabulary words, complete with dance and song, if need be, for my 8 year old. I watch her eyes twinkle because she thinks I am so funny and I know I am doing it right. When I am in the right place, I answer that question for the 14,567th time without rolling my eyes. When I am in the right place, I can change poopy diapers and teach Algebra in one single bound. When I am in the right place, the dry erase markers that produce our grammar lessons match Christmas. When I am in the right place, my day has enough time because God makes all things perfect, including 24 hours in a day.

My right place isn’t me being perfect, but it’s knowing that God has fully and fabulously equipped me in every single way that I need to live out what He has asked of me. I have all of the resources and skills available to me that I need. Not necessarily the ones that I want all of the time, but definitely the ones that I need.

Being in the center of God’s will in the little day to day moments is inspiring. It’s when stuff just “feels” right and that is the sprinkles on top, for sure. A deep peace is prevalent in the midst of chaos. It’s beautiful. I like it here.

 

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7 Responses to Stuff That Moves Me
  1. alicia @ la famille
    December 2, 2012 | 7:20 am

    darcy, this is so good and JUST what i need to hear right now. i have a lot,,,,A LOT on my heart right now. i’m letting it effect everything. i’ve made the decision to do the bare necessities of school so i can take that extra time and sit around and worry and stew. i need to prioritize. i need to stop slacking, because it only makes me mad at myself. i’m going to make a point to lay out my lesson plan today and make my copies and get the school area straightened out. this week will be different.

    thank you. :)

  2. Amy G
    December 2, 2012 | 9:15 am

    Oh Sweet Darcy girl, you’ve done it again. You snuck in my heart, saw where it was at, and said just what I needed to hear. Oh man, I have had quite a few daydream moments this year of what it would be like to have 8 hours a day to myself. I’ve compared myself to blog pictures of the fun homeschool moms. I’ve skipped grammar a whole week because I just didn’t feel like doing it. UGH. It is SO hard. But Josh and I are in the same boat as you guys. We don’t know how long God has planned for us to homeschool, but we also know that it’s definitely what He has planned for us now. So This momma needs a change. Thank you for inspiring me to just DO IT- with a good attitude and to BE the teacher I want my kids to have. Thank you friend! Here’s to a great week ahead!!!!

  3. Tiffany C.
    December 9, 2012 | 8:22 pm

    I second the sentiments in each of the notes above.~ *Thank You for the Great Encouragement.
    This year is our fifth year homeschooling (currently 9th grade), and it has been our most difficult beginning yet…. The article from Life in Grace is now bookmarked on my computer, too.~ TY, again.~
    Sincerely,
    Tiffany C., AL

  4. Nicole
    December 19, 2012 | 1:12 pm

    Woo Girl!

    This is so me. I think we may be kindred spirits! I’m daily having to remind myself that complicated doesn’t equal success. Sometimes keeping it simple, light hearted, and fun is way more educational then anything I’ll find on Pinterest.

    It is hard. But it’s so good too.

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