I Learned Something

One of my besties and I were out to a meal discussing an issue that I was having. She asked, “What’s the pay off?” In other words, why do you keep doing that ~ Y O U F R E A K? I added the you freak part, because by the end of over annunciating every word in that sentence, it seems quite necessary.

I likely sound like a broken record or blurbs of a self help book over the last three years, but oh how much I have learned. It’s amazing what happens when you slow down and evaluate. My head has become my own Dr. Phil show.

*Really this has no point, but it’s hysterical

When it comes to my fitness journey ~ my quest for life long balance~ after 18 months of this long journey I learn another thing about myself today. Another bolt of lightening that zaps me and I remember the words

What’s the Pay off?

I was minding my own business giving a concert to no one but my cute toddler and not driving the speed limit down a back road this morning when I swear I heard bells ringing and choirs singing as my ah ha moment came to me as if from no where.

What’s the pay off?

What is the pay off? OH NO.

Do I do things for a pay off? crap it, all the time.

What do I do when there is no pay off? um, pretty much flounder.

Who am I when no one is looking? I kinda don’t like that question, next please.

The last three years of my life have been a perfectly orchestrated dance by the One who knows me better than I know myself. I asked Him for help and He is delivering by the truck full.

He showed me today while Colbie Caillat was causing some fantastic front seat in the van dancing, that if my actions are a result of a pay off that I am receiving, then can I really claim to be doing those actions as a result of obedience? Hardly. The answer is a simple no.

Pay offs bring empty gratification and lurk around every corner. They are flighty, inconsistent, and produce fast results and epic failures. Sounds all too familiar to me.

True obedience my friends. That’s what I sustains. Obedience that is not driven by pant sizes, BMI charts, Pinterest quotes, or insane work out programs. {No reference intended to all you Shaun T fans out there. I totally support you, Holla.}

I have a deeper understanding than I did 24 hours ago. My crawl of progress is continuing in the right direction…

My tired soul can rest in that.




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2 Responses to I Learned Something
  1. Amy G
    September 8, 2012 | 6:41 am

    Keep on keepin’ on my friend! You’re doing awesome!!

  2. Rikki
    September 8, 2012 | 7:03 am

    Not to make it all about me everytime but this really encouraged me today in my own journey.

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