Mama said there would be days like this, so did every homeschool mom that I talked to, as well as every piece of literature that I picked up regarding homeschool. For the last three weeks, I have been struggling. Deeply struggling with our current state of life. I prayerfully see no other option then homeschool right now and yet I refuse to believe that God’s best for my family, is a life that is lived making due because their is no other choice.
My heart hurts for my middle daughter. She is a social butterfly…just like her mama. I realized the other day that she must
feel like I would feel if my day to day interactions with my friends were taken away. Then it dawned on me, that did just happen to me. Going from a lifestyle that has a huge focus in adult interaction through my past job, to one that has little adult interaction in it at all. It’s a hard transition and knowing that she is struggling with it too, kills me. I promised myself when I set out to journal these 170 days of school that I would keep it real. The real for right now is, this is tough.
I miss picking up my babies from school and hearing all about their day. Hearing about the projects, fun, field trips, chapel, learning, and playing. All the while surrounded by their friends. It kinda breaks my heart that my youngest daughter, will never have a first day of kindergarten. Lining up on the playground, proud of her new lunch box, and feeling like the big girl that she is becoming.
The last couple weeks have been spiraling to a worse and worse place. School has been starting later and later. Any sort of organization has become a thing of the past. Multiple dentist, orthodontist, doctor, and hair cut appointments have thrown my days way off. Trying to schedule play dates and outings have really messed the routine that I have established this year. I need to fix that and I need to fix that NOW. I need to find the balance of mixing home life, play dates, field trips, and school. It is a very, very slippery slope. It requires constant management, constant attention, and constant discipline.
The kids have been fighting non stop. Fighting about fighting. Fighting about everything from the location of their elbow during a ride in the car, to the choice of cup their milk with be poured into. Is it spring, or still winter? Does the dog need a bath? This piece of trash is MINE. You hit me. You’re breathing to loud. Then there is my personal favorite “It’s not my fault, I’m being tortured.”
I know that God is good, all the time. I know all things are better with His way, not mine. I know that there are irreplaceable lessons to be learned during this time in my life. I know that He loves my kids more then I do. I know that God causes all things to work together for good. I also know God cares for my heart.
However, what I know right now is also that this is hard. Despite the friends, resources, and groups available, it feels lonely. Today, we had a way scaled back school day. It also included Costco, laundry, and housecleaning. Tomorrow I am going to be looking for the “right track”, so that I can jump back on it. This is all part of the journey. Breathe in. Breathe out. Always look up to Jesus. Yet, put my head down and out of sheer discipline, choose joy and press onward. My kids are worth this and my Jesus has got this.
Now there are just 72 school days left until summer.
I know things are rough right now. You are doing an amazing thing by homeschooling your kids. I think God is just testing you to make sure that you are still willing and able to carry out His plan. Just as he tested Abraham by commanding him to sacrifice Isaac to see if he would follow God’s lead uncontested. This is a little less extreme, but you get the picture.
Reading this is like writing it myself. I literally yanked my first grader out of her “normalcy” in the middle of the school year to start homeschooling. I did it because she was completely stressed out. Not because of the school work – that part she has – in fact, she was considered above grade level…but apparently her teacher missed a class on Child Phsycology (spelling) and did nothing while two other girls were picking on her, resulting ot her pulling her hair out (I mean, she was balding) and picking her up in tears and not telling me anything. After a lot of praying and talking to the doctors, it was the best thing for her right now.
She tells me often that she misses school. I think, really? That place was tourture!! Why on earth would you miss it? But, she missed her social time. She did have some good friends there too. And here I was thinking her social time three times a week a church, dance, three days a week and various other activities would be enough. It may be, but I took her away from all she was familiar with.
We have our off days…days when she just doesn’t want to learn…and I haven’t even been in this but for a few months! I’ve already figured out on off days, we switch things around. Finish our lesson that we are working on and take a break, a mental and family break. Play games, (today we are going berry picking), ride a bike (a week ago we did yoga together), just something for an hour or so and then come back. Usually, coming back is fresh, fun and she is in it!
I had to do something because I was getting to a point where I was threatening with taking things away from her if she didn’t sit down and study. I didn’t want her to think of School as a punishment and I was starting to feel it was getting to that point for her.
Anyway, keep your chin up. You know what is best for her, Maybe take those mental family breaks. Maybe do one on ones with each of them. You are right, mama said there’d be days like this, we just have to all put our heads together to make these days better for ALL of us!!!
I’ll pray for you and your daughter and I’ll be thinking of you.
-Katie
Praying.
Good luck. I couldn’t imagine home schooling my kids. That’s awesome.
Be proud of yourself. You have manage it this far, and will get back on track with the help of God. I admire you for being able to homeschool your children. That is an awesome accomplishment in itself.
I have been an educator for more than a decade and even in the classroom there are days like this. It is time to re-vamp your curriculum. Hit the internet or teacher store and start searching for some new projects to start. I find that not only are the kids excited about the new projects we added, but it makes it fun for me too. If the kids start becoming engaged again, the fighting might start to be less frequent as well. You might even want to think about adding community service to the curriculum. Have the kids pick something that they are interested in. You could make things for the animals at the zoo, plant a garden and share the food, or any number of other projects.
Good luck. You are doing a great job and if you follow your heart, God will make sure that it all will work out.
Praying for you, Darcy.
I homeschooled for 6 years, this being the first that I’m not.
What you described is oh, so familiar . . . and heartbreaking.
Your struggle is common . . . and holy.
For every homeschooler out there, there are as many options and opinions. There are lonely days. There are busy days. There are great days. There are fun days.
What God has called you to is hard. And amazing. And fulfilling. And again, hard.
I’ll be praying for you as you press in to Him.
I hate when life gets like this… but just keep going, keep trusting, keep doing what is best for your family. It is hard but anything is possible.
Darcy,
Not sure how I missed your blog. I was going thru my google connect and hopped over. Glad I did, I have fallen in love with your blog.
I have been homeschooling for 5 years and right now I am in the midst of “lonely days” They seem to come and go, I notice they come a little more during the winter when it is hard to get out. I enjoy talking to other moms, especially, those who homeschool, it is so nice to know that you are not the only one who struggles with this or that.
The fighting, oh, the fighting, yeah, we fight around here too about where elbows should go {who knew} and who got more juice in their cup, or because someone looked at them longer than a second. the funny thing is i remember fighting about these same things with my brother and sisters and remember thinking that yes, it is a big deal that she looked at me {lol} and now when my kids do it it frustrates me to no end. drives me crazy! and to hollering HA!
sorry, to ramble. nice to meet you and I look forward to reading more about your homeschool journey
The good news is spring break is right around the corner!
You are loved and being prayed for. More play dates with our kids. Can’t wait for the park to open next to your house.xoxoxo
Oh girl! I’m not far behind although I only have one at home. I have come to the conclusion that we have Spring Break Fever! I totally know your feelings of loneliness and not being as organized as you’d like as of late. We’ll get through this together! I PROMISE
I feel for you! I am thinking about homeschooling my kids because of how crazy things are now, and then think about all those reasons you listed…=0( I just dont know… I know its going to be tough I know its going to be hard, and I know in the end itll be well worth it, its just hard! I wasnt homeschooled, but my lil sister was, she completed school at 15 finished college at 18 and now she will be starting Law school in the fall. Asking my mom about it, she said she wouldnt have done it differntly at all. Even with the struggles and wrong turns… God always managed to get her right back on track! Will be praying for you, and some direction!
You’ll pull through. I have faith!
Darcy I can so relate, all though I don’t have the coming down from so much adult interaction in a job to compare it too, that’s tough! We went on a field trip to the Cemetery today with the homeschool group (it was seriously SO cool.) Coming back from it I am crazy crazy happy! Amazing what a little time outside surrounded in a group will do for your heart! It’s so hard to balance it all. Love you!
I just found your blog a few days ago. I’ve never even left a comment before on a “stranger’s” blog! But your post today was a particularly good one. We are considering homeschooling. I have three kids, but only one school age. He’s in K5 now at a Christian school, which we’ve LOVED but feel the Lord is leading us to move on. We have really good public schools here, but we’re also feeling promptings toward the homeschool area. We just don’t know and it’s a huge matter of prayer.
Ok, that was TOTAL rambling! I wanted to say thanks for “keeping it real” and letting us see those “dark” days. The REALITY of homeschooling! I’m a social butterfly as well. My oldest is NOT. He would easily fall into a homeschool lifestyle…not so sure about me. Anyway, thanks for sharing! I love reading REAL blogs from REAL people!
Thanks Darcy for being so open and honest. I haven’t read much of your blog, but today it caught my eye. I just began homeschooling one of my boys about 5 weeks ago. Although much prayer went into the decision, I still question how I am going to do it! I feel so lost, lonely, overwhelmed and inadequate. I believe God is with me every step of the way, yet more often than not, at the end of the day I am frustrated. Either I got mad at my son because he wasn’t paying attention, didn’t feel we got enough accomplished, didn’t get anything done around the house, etc… I am definitely learning and will continue trusting that God will show me how to be a loving and encouraging mom and teacher!
Thanks for your honesty. I can totally relate!! Hang in there, I know you are doing a wonderful job!
Just stopping in to say Hi! I never home schooled my children and they are grown now and wonderful adults so it’s probably not fair for me to comment although I can imagine how you must feel. I did want to share something my pastor told me a while ago when I was going through some challenging times and kept hoping that a certain door would be opened for me, he said “perhaps God has other plans and you need to let him open the doors he wants open”. And he was right! I quite trying to force things. I don’t know why you’ve chosen to homeschool (sorry I haven’t read that much of your blog), and maybe there’s a reason you’re so stressed. Life is short and I believe God wants us to be happy. Your children will still learn from you even if they are not home schooled and might have something to offer other children who aren’t as fortunate to have as loving parents as yourself. All the best in whatever path you choose for your family.